Creative Stress

I'll be honest. I won't lie to you. I'm feeling blocked and stuck these days. I just cannot get over it and have almost no creative urge or impulse AT ALL. Nada. Totally lacking in inspiration.

I really used to enjoy playing around with ideas for new quilts.

The box is empty  right now . . .

Does that ever happen to you? For someone who calls herself a "quilt designer/author" it's pretty stressful and depressing, let me tell you. Not many will admit to this I think. I pick up magazines and books and look at blogs to see what's new but it seems like everything is whirling past me so fast and I have not kept up for so long. Will anyone still be there waiting for me at the station when I finally get off this recovery train?

I get e-mails asking me "What's next, what's next, What are you working on, When is another book coming out??  Soon, soon, soon, we hope . . . can't wait for another one!" Give. me. a. break. Actually, forgive me for sounding rude  and cranky, I'm really a nice person, honest, but I simply want to scream back sometimes: "I'm on a break! I'm still having a hard time making myself lunch and walking up and down stairs . . . "

The dilemma is, if I'm technically on a break, shouldn't I still just be quilting for fun or whatever? Happy as a clam to finally have time to myself?? Quilting always used to make  me feel good. Last week I was all ready to pick up a few of my Dear Jane blocks and see if I could at least whip up a few easy ones to add to my meager collection. I got out the Dear Jane book and poked through some of my scraps -

I turned on the iron and promptly burned my left hand. Ouch, has it been so long since I've quilted that I forgot how to use one, LOL?? But I persisted, slipped on a bandage and put an ice pack on it. It's only my left, I can still cut and sew with my right. 

I chose a block, then went over to the printer with my freezer paper to transfer the block pattern from my DJ  EQ software. Yes, you guessed it, the printer decided that now was a perfect time to break. I'm pretty sure I just used it 2 days ago and it was FINE. Could not get anything out of it except for a loud, angry, grinding sigh. Or, wait, was that coming from me?? I suspect this is the Universe telling me to just go sit down and watch another movie already or read a book or something until I feel better. No quilting for now.

Big sigh . . .

Actually, I do have a few other things on my plate at the moment - a party/barbeque to plan for tomorrow for My Daughter's 18th Birthday. Nothing fancy, hamburgers (and one veggie burger) on the grill,  some easy sides and a salad. A cake from the store (sorry  Hon).  Not stressful at all but nevertheless a lot more than I've done in awhile. But she's my miracle baby - the one I was lucky enough to have at a late age when we thought there was no hope for another - and I always like to make her feel special you know. The weather should be nice and, oh yes, some of the perennials are blooming and all of the bought plants are now in pots or in the ground! Yay for super hard-working husbands!!

They grow up so fast . . . 

My son is graduating from college next week and, before I know it, she'll be gone too.

I will have more thoughts on this creativity thing coming up I'm sure. I'm not WORKING on anything so what else do I have to do until I get my groove back?

I'll get that box filled up soon, I just know it. The hardest part is waiting.

Slowing It Down Again

I had a few little setbacks recently and had to go into the ER the other day.  I am feeling a little better today but still having a hard time accepting the fact that my recovery is going slowly and I just cannot do the things I want to do yet. It's a little frustrating (and boring, too) but when I do too much I suffer. So I resigned myself and it was back to the sofa for more prescribed rest to help me heal faster.

I always have my reliable companions nearby - dogs and books, dogs and books.

I just cannot seem to get into quilting yet and have no energy to do much else. The most recent version of Little Women was on TV yesterday and it was a nice way to spend a lazy afternoon. I remember growing up with the classic 1949 version of the movie starring June Allyson, Peter Lawford, Margaret O'Brien and Elizabeth Taylor and I always liked it fine. But I decided I really love this newer version starring Susan Sarandon, Winona Ryder, Christian Bale and Claire Danes from 1994.

The set designs were simply wonderful and I really enjoyed the New England atmosphere, the costumes, the quilts and even the dolls sitting on little quilts in some scenes.

I fell in love with one of the quilts seen in a few of the scenes from the movie and I intend to make a little one like it using a variety of my pink and indigo blue repro fabrics someday.

It looked something like this.

Anyway, if  you haven't seen this newer version of Little Women, it's worth taking a look.  I don't remember what kind of reviews it got in 1994 and I'm sure there are those who say nothing can live up to the original, but I still liked it. I think it captured the period very well.

I've read two novels since I've been home and after watching the movie, picked this one up again  - March by Geraldine Brooks.

Ms. Brooks wrote her novel from the perspective of the absent father from the novel Little Women and the story relates his own experiences during the Civil War. A little graphic about the war in parts but a wonderfully creative take on the story and worth reading if you like historical fiction. 

Have a good weekend! I'm going to send my husband out to the Garden Center tomorrow (before the world ends at 6 p.m. . . . ) for some flowers and then stand there and "direct" while he and my daughter plant them this weekend unless we determine it's still too early (or it rains) in which case it might be better to wait until next weekend. Next week is my daughter's birthday (18! I can hardly believe it . . . )  and we always celebrate the occasion with a family barbeque around Memorial Day. It sure would be nice to have some pretty flowers to show off, wouldn't it?

Perk-me-ups

If there's a perk to being sick, it's the kind thoughts and get well wishes I have gotten from friends from all over. Thank you so much for sending all those cards and letters. 

I appreciate every one and if I could respond I would. I am still not feeling great yet and am working out the pain meds thing. I need to take something because I am not quite healed but more often than not the pills make me drowsy or woozy and because I have so many allergies, I am limited in what I can take. I also have had to limit my diet for awhile and go for soft and bland, very low fiber for a few months, which is not fun and sometimes boring, as much as I love mashed potatoes. It's definitely a challenge to try to be creative with soft, well-cooked vegetables and fruit and a little chicken or pasta on most days. I've handed over the meal preparation to my husband for awhile.

It's not quite this bad, but it might as well be . . . I have a taste for Chinese take-out or a nice big chopped salad - both no-nos.

Other perks from family and friends -

The turquoise bracelet was a Mother's Day gift from my daughter. Isn't it beautiful? The fabric was a gift from myself that I ordered before I went into the hospital - I knew I'd need something to perk me up when I was able to sew again.

Ingrid is anxious for me to get better so I can do yoga with her . . .

See, I still read real books . . .  This one is a wonderful collection of many of my favorite poems.

Do you see a certain color trend here?? I'm glad everyone associates me with that wonderful blue-green, turquoise, aqua color . . . I think I need to get cracking on the thank you cards soon.

Home at Last

Blogger and I are both finally feeling better, thank goodness. I came home from the hospital on Tuesday and can't say that I've felt like doing much of anything until today because of the pain.

My abdominal surgery went very well but as I said I was in a lot of pain and exhausted for a week afterwards. There's no good way to get ANY sleep in a hospital and I think the healing doesn't even BEGIN until you go home. They sent me home with a minor dose of a pain killer. I was getting almost NO relief for 2 days and was not able to sit up without cringing it was so bad. So I called the doctor and he increased it a bit. You really cannot heal until your pain is under control. After that I was able to get some sleep last night, the first in over a week. I was grateful and though I woke up in pain because I slept through my 3 a.m. scheduled meds I felt a little more like myself. I had great nurses and excellent care while in the hospital but it makes such a difference being home and in familiar surroundings without those IV monitors beeping.

My caring sisters and my wonderful daughter are taking care of me again while my husband is at work. I have a visiting nurse this week and next who will come in a couple of times to check my incision and progress, which is also really nice in case I have any questions or concerns. I'm trying to remember how it all went last time I had surgery and even though this time I started out in more pain because of a larger incision, I think it's actually going better. Maybe I'm just used to the drill and don't get as frustrated if I can't do something or start to feel bad. I'm more relaxed and know it will get better eventually.

I'm not supposed to bend because of my incision, so there's a trail of stuff I've dropped all over the house that isn't going to get picked up until someone else does it. I finally see the need for a Lady in Waiting! It's so funny - the last time it drove me nuts but now I don't care. Someone will get it eventually and I'm not going to worry about it because I care more about taking care of myself than if there's a pen or piece of mail on the floor. Not worth stretching the wrong way. If I start feeling sorry for myself I just sit down and have a good cry, and that takes care of it and I move on.

I'm in good hands. My one sister went grocery shopping the other day and brought me my favorite ice cream. A surefire healing food, did you know that?? One of my other sisters came over and made me egg salad for lunch (protein) and brought dinner - vegetable lasagna. My friend Julia made us a chicken pie for supper tonight. Yum!

I have a lot of reading to catch up on in ther next few weeks and then maybe I'll feel like doing some hand stitching while I recuperate. All in all, it's sooo good to be home and I'm looking forward to getting healthy again. But first I have to eat all that ice cream . . . .

Happy Pinwheels

I pulled out the Pinwheel blocks I made a few weeks ago when my head was spinning and everything was in turmoil over my dog's seemingly fragile health.

I put them together into a small quilt and added borders. I can't stop smiling when I look at it, thinking how different it seems -  almost cheerful, not so depressing. Now when I look at them I think of Spring and those toy pinwheels spinning away in the breeze. Reminding me that things took a "turn" for the better this time. Maybe it's a sign that things at the Tracy household are on an upward swing after a difficult year. Spring -  renewal, rebirth, second chances and all.

I'll layer it and get it ready to quilt tomorrow. I'm going into the hospital this week for my last surgery (hopefully the last one - keep a good thought). I expect I'll be there for about a week or so. The quilt will be something to add to the pile of hand stitching I want to work on after I get home, while I'm recovering on the couch.

I won't be too interested in blogging for awhile I suspect. The last recovery period was difficult. I probably won't answer e-mails for a little while either and book orders will be delayed, just so you know. For those of you who joined the American Schoolgirl Club this year (same club, same patterns from last year - I just ran it a second time) - you don't have to worry about this month's patterns, they'll be mailed out tomorrow after I take the dog to the groomer for a much needed trim.

Happy dog!

So wish me well and keep your fingers crossed that I'll be back to feeling great in no time. This time I'll try to avoid more horror stories of my health, only positive posts, I promise. I'm putting all that negative stuff behind me. Upward swing, remember?

 

So Much to Celebrate

Who doesn't love a good wedding celebration? Throw in Britain and a fairy tale as well into the mix and I'm a sentimental fool. I didn't quite make it up to watch the Royal Wedding in "real time" yesterday but recorded the whole thing on my DVR, made myself a big cup of tea and then watched it at 7 a.m. I made my husband and daughter re-watch it with me in the evening but I FF through some of it to spare them.

I don't usually enjoy hoopla much, but this was different. Nobody does pageantry like the British - and I sure would have loved to have been there for this hoopla. I watched Diana's wedding - and funeral. My heart broke for those boys then and I'm so glad we finally got to watch a good celebration, even if it meant having to see Camilla sitting up there. It was so much fun wasn't it?  I feel very lucky that I was able to visit London years ago and actually see Westminster Abbey up close.

Oh, the lovely, silly hats! The church bells! Her Majesty's Chapel Royal choir! And Kate's dress - I have to say I was very pleased because it was so romantic, traditional and old fashioned. I guess I expected something strapless or off the shoulder, more modern. It reminded me of my own wedding dress - simple with long lace sleeves, except mine had a higher lacy neckline. I preserved mine with the silly thought that my daughter might someday want to wear it but she's always laughed at it and said she would never wear anything as old-fashioned as that. Who's laughing now? Maybe 26 years ago Mom was in style after all . . . Or maybe Romantic is always in style.

Almost every bride feels like she's in a fairy tale on her wedding day, doesn't she? We didn't have a Cinderella coach/carriage, just a Honda, but hey, I still felt just like royalty on MY wedding day. And I married a Prince too . . .

*  *  *

More to celebrate - I received a wonderful gift on Friday afternoon. I took my dog to the Veterinary Specialist hospital for a recheck after his last visit and round of medications. The news was good! Very good, in fact. The "cancer" in his lymph nodes turned out NOT to be cancer after all. Two months ago the nodes were enlarged, and the biopsy report said there was a "suspicion of cancer." I found out that  Vet # 1 read that report as stating that there DEFINITELY was cancer in the lymph nodes. And so when he passed on the news to us, that's what he told us.  

Rigby's ultrasound was read by a different doctor yesterday and it was determined that the nodes were no longer enlarged and had almost returned to normal. Vet # 2 said that if it were cancer, the enlarged nodes would not have diminished in size that quickly. So I was right all along - he had a serious infection with inflammation and the drugs (and my own special treatment) did the trick. The Vet who originally examined him and referred us to a specialist for more tests had a dog that recently died from cancer and she said it looked like Rigby had cancer too - she recognized the symptoms. She was wrong, however.

Does this dog look sick to you? Tired, maybe, after his latest exam and ordeal.

The latest Vet's report: "Rigby seems to be doing well, is healthy and playful after treatment. His prognosis is GOOD." Poor Rigby - he has no idea what has been going on all these months. He has selective hearing: Blah, blah, blah, Good Dog, blah blah, blah, Sit, blah, blah, blah, Daddy's home, blah, blah, blah, Walk?, blah, blah, blah . . . . He must have thought he'd already died and gone to heaven because of all the chicken and hamburger he's been getting recently, LOL. There's more of that to come - so much to celebrate now.

Do You Doga?

After last year I told myself, when I got to feeling a little healthier, I would consider doing some yoga. Everyone I know does yoga, it seems. I saw my nephew for Easter and he's looking great. He is totally hooked on Bikram yoga - which is yoga practiced in a room that's heated to over 100 degrees. My reaction when I heard this was - "You have got to be kidding." I would pass out after about a minute.  So I Googled the different types of yoga and in my quest for information, I found out about something that's a little more suitable - DOGA! Uh oh, should I have been doing Doga with my dogs?? Is this in my future?

Are my pups suffering because we do not take yoga classes together? Tell me - does that little dog look relaxed to you?

My dog has been doing yoga on his own for years. He does his stretches religiously every day. Look at him - he's never even taken a single class! (This particular photo was taken a few years ago when he was much slimmer and had just gotten his Spring haircut, LOL . . . ) I ask you - who does a downward dog pose better than  . . .  a dog??

 I wonder if  a part-time career teaching yoga would work for him?  At 9, he's mostly retired now but it'd be a great way to earn a little extra money on the side. . . . for all those rawhide chewies he loves so much.

He's already sparked some local interest!

Chipmunk:  Sign ME up for a class, guy!

Spring is Springing

~ A late Easter,  a long cold spring. ~ 

       - French proverb

The French got that one right . . .

Spring looks like it may have sprung already or at least has started to "spring." Here's what I'm up to this afternoon:

We used to make coloring eggs  a family tradition but the kids are mostly grown up now so it seems I'm the only one who's interested in carrying on the tradition anymore. If your kids are old do you still give them Easter baskets?? My daughter is 17 and yesterday she requested that her Easter basket not have too much candy, but things like makeup and gift cards instead. Uh oh, I guess I'll have to run out this afternoon and buy some things to fill that basket after all . . . LOL.

The spirit of Easter is all about Hope, love, and joyful living.     
      ~ Anonymous.

 

 

Speaking of hope -  a possible sweep by the Chicago Bulls in  Game 4 of the NBA playoffs?? Game on today after my favorite day-before-Easter lunch:

Do you have one of these cool egg slicer thingys? It's so old I don't know if they even make them anymore. I bought mine when I got my first apartment in the '70s, can you tell? About all I knew how to cook at the time was egg salad sandwiches! It still comes in handy. One of  my favorite things about Easter is the hard boiled eggs . . . We try to go easy on the chocolate but yes, there's definitely some of those chocolate eggs too.

The strawberries are looking pretty pathetic, but my family ate all the good ones and left these for me . . .

We'll be going out to Easter brunch tomorrow but I may make a Lamb cake - one of my sister's traditions - if I have time.

Happy Easter, Happy Spring!